


R Loves P: Don't Tell Anyone

by fanderstothestanders



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 80's film references, Alternate Universe - High School, Body Image, Creative Chaos Boys, Crushes, Disaster Gays, Expect Cheesy Tropes Galore, Explicit Language, Flirty Deceit Sanders, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scheming Teens with Good Intentions, Sexual Humor, Teen Romance, chaotic trio, good friendships, teen shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanderstothestanders/pseuds/fanderstothestanders
Summary: Remus Priestly was a teenage dirtbag who fell in love with the town sweetheart. Patton Amante was the town sweetheart.When a friendship introduces these two, a hair-brained scheme is hatched by a sappy, pining moron to confess.This is their story.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 13
Kudos: 46





	1. Part One- Seventeen Candles, Or Remus Priestly and The Principal's Son

Remus Priestly knew two things with absolute certainty- he was an absolute menace to society, and he was head-over-dick in love with the principal’s son. This boy was not only the prettiest, gentlest, most sweetest angel in all of human creation; he was the complete opposite of the type of guy Remus should be into. The student body president, head volunteer for the dance committees, and painfully straight-laced Patton Amante was hardly the sort Remus would ever admit catching feelings for… but, it happened, and he couldn’t say how or when it happened at all, he just knew one day the mere sight of that beaming, bright, beautiful, blonde bubble-head was enough to get him red in the face and grinning like a complete idiot. Which was fine with him for the most part, since they were never ever in the same place for very long, and because Remus was practically invisible to him. 

Poor, foolish Remus was unaware that his world was about to completely flip its shit… When his twin brother came home with a new best friend on the last day of sophomore year.

Somehow Remus survived the summer- with Roman and the love of his young life growing to be attached at the hip with his brother, which was just confusing as all hell. One of them was rarely without the other, and by June they were closer than Remus and Roman ever were! Remus would not have made it through a week in close proximity to Patton had it not been for weekly meet-ups with his best friends/therapists/nonexistent-relationship counselors- Virgil Knight and JD Anderson.

“Gods, you guys, it’s like he never leaves! I can’t escape him!” he whined into his hat, slamming the back of his head against the wall behind the library where they often hung out in isolation, not caring about the stinging or the bump that would surely come later.

“Mhhm, and that is  _ such _ a nightmare for you… the boy you’ve had a crazy crush on since forever is in the same small space as you, your hot brother, and your embarrassing parents for over twelve hours a day, every day.”

“Ugh, please don’t call him hot, D. I get that you like to dick down stupid guys, but please for the love of all things unholy, take my gross brother off of your list,” Remus groaned up at the graceful silhouette of his oldest friend draped against the wall.

JD (born Janus Dorian Oscar Anderson) towered above him, all six feet and two inches of his wiry frame practically rattling in defiance of his request. A mocking snort from Virgil really keyed him off- he was absolutely not going to let this go, lest Virgil should curry more favor with the more refined Priestly brother. The two of them had been against one another in a rather playful competition over flustering Roman for the span of a riotous six month period- after the aforementioned Wonder Boy asked each of them to dance at the school’s annual Winter’s Ball. “But, Remus, please. Consider who you’d prefer ending up spending more time with Roman,” he purred in a teasing air, “me, or your little boy-toy?” Remus couldn’t deny that the sound that escaped his clenched teeth after he considered that was not dissimilar to the pitchy cry of air squeaking out of a rubber chicken.

“He’s not my boy-toy--”

“--Yet. But, you want him to be, don’t you? Or do you want your brother to take him, just like all the privilege, popularity, and grace you deserved to have half of?” JD continued dryly. He may have been absolutely fawning over him, but he was never one to deny that Roman had a much easier go at school life than his twin. That was why they were such good friends in the first place, and he was certainly nothing if not loyal.

“JDeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, you know what I wanna say about that! Obviously, I want him, and I would lose my lunch for the rest of eternity if Roman wanted him too.” He sighed hotly. “But it’s not up to me, I have no clue how to approach that gorgeous little tree frog, and I think we’ve all learned I’m not the guy he brings home to Ma and Pa.”

They all huffed a deep breath in sympathy. Virgil turned to his bag with a start, and the other two followed his actions with intrigue. The slouching mass that was Virgil Knight dug through the hand-me-down messenger bag, rooting around intently with a determined grin on his face. This was typical- Virgil was the stereotypical quiet one most days. Sure, sometimes he’d come to the two of them huffing and ranting, but those days covered the majority of his words. He was a man of action, not words, so whatever he thought up would be simple… typically.

JD went back to thoughtfully rearranging the safety pins on his latest creation- a beautiful upcycle of one of those worn-out jean jackets from nineteen eighty whatever, with metallic fabric paint splatters on the back in all colors of the rainbow. He prided himself as something of an amateur designer- for now, at least. Both of his best friend’s prized the gifts he’d made them in one burst of creative frenzy- Remus’s favorite bright green vest covered in vintage queer-core patches, and the hoodie Virgil wore almost every day was one of his creations- a fairly commonplace hoodie, but one that wouldn’t bother Virgil’s tactile issues, and splattered with smatterings of purple plaid and inlined with a rainbow, a little sign of acceptance just for him.

Remus just sat there, pathetically watching the tiny emo as he searched with vigor in his bag for whatever it was he was looking for, hoping it would keep his mind off of pretty Patton and the way his cheerful giggle would echo down the hallway to his room every once in a while.

“Found it!” Virgil’s triumph garnered their attention, just to take in the sight of what looked like a crumpled page from the school newspaper, which Remus just cocked an eyebrow at. “No, trust me. Read it.” He passed the paper to Remus eagerly, who was biting back the scoff in his throat at the sight of the article that took up most of the page. There, in aggressively enlarged Times New Roman font smack in front of his face were words that would serve as the impetus to the craziest scheme he’d ever come up with- 

‘Student Body President Confides to Sources: “I’m a sucker for those eighties rom-com shticks.”’ 

Well, if Patton wanted an all-out eighties cornball lovefest kind of thing, then Remus wasn’t going to hold back… hopefully he could do that without getting served with a restraining order.

  
_ Look out dude, you’re about to get wooed,  _ Remus thought resolutely.  _ Junior year, and I’m gonna go all John Hughes… minus all the statutory rape... _


	2. Part 2- Take on Me or Patton Amante and the Crush Gush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Roman dish on boys... and oh, boy does Patton have a boy- a boy he can't talk about.

Patton Amante was a typical teen and he knew three things for certain- he was a good kid, he had the coolest best friend in the world, and he was a hopeless romantic who was also romantically hopeless. He was never one to confess his feelings when it came to love, not because he didn’t think he deserved it, but because being young and having so many feelings was enough pressure, and he never wanted to put someone else on the spot just because he thought they were lovely or had pretty hair or had a laugh like the sound of fairy magic. But boy, oh boy did he fall quick. And hard. But no one was a better person to vent to than his bestest buddy, Roman, the most romantic person he’d ever met. Roman was a love expert- or as close to one as he was gonna get… even if he’d never had a boyfriend. So no matter what, Patton trusted Roman with all his gushy, crushy, lovey-dovey feelings. And Roman told him everything, too. (The two of them were in the middle of discussions in class about that, just at the start of their budding friendship when Anton caught word of their gushing and started asking questions… little did sweet little Patton know that nothing in a journalist’s hands was private… but that’s a story for a different time).

One summer afternoon, he and Roman were sitting alone in the house, discussing just the topic- school crushes past.

“-or oooh, you remember Billy Clarke from the trombone section of the marching band?” Roman inquired, giggling through a tangent of the cutest boys he crushed on over their two years in high school.

Patton chuckled up at him from where he was concentrating on painting a daisy on his thumbnail and nodded.

“Mmmm, he made those pants look  _ so  _ good… but enough about the past!” He declared as he jumped to pose dramatically on the sofa, arms defiantly at his hips. “We’re juniors, time to think about the future. Any current crushes we’re hoping will become  _ future  _ boyfriends??” 

Patton froze. How was he gonna tell Roman…

“I have two prospects. Only one problem- they are both completely incorrigible! I can never get my head on straight-ha- around either one of them. They seem to thrill in reducing me to a puddle of mush. I may be a romantic, but I’m not prepared for all of this flirting!”

Okay, so not telling him was gonna be the way this one went, Patton was fine with that. Ask him about his love,  _ avoid looking suspicious _ . “Oh, who are they? Maybe I know them!”

“Oh, trust me, you don’t. They’re best friends with Reek,”  _ OH no, stop blushing, stop blushing _ , “JD Anderson and Virgil Knight. Anarchists. Rebels. Infuriatingly charming bastards. I’m surprised they haven’t been crawling around here lately, we’re getting into July, Remus never leaves when it’s this hot. Anywho, don’t be offended if they’re hanging around.”

“Are you sure you like these guys, Ro?” Patton inquired with a curious tilt of his head. “You don’t act like you like them very much…”

“Ugh, I do, though. That’s another problem, I’m stuck on them both, smitten, enthralled, absolutely twitterpated… How could I possibly go out with one of my brother’s best friends?! That’d be like you going out with Remus, just plain awkward, he’d never let me live it down. Plus, how could I possibly choose, they’re both gorgeous and guarded. You know I like a boy with some walls, Pattoncake…”

Roman droned on, wrapping his head with the insecurities that flew out of his mouth. Patton wasn’t listening that well, but at the moment he didn’t care that much. He’d feel bad later sure, or if Roman called him on it he’d stammer out an apology, but there were other things on his mind. Mostly they were mundane worries, little things that flew in and distracted him from the pantomime Roman moving in front of his face. But one kept repeating, an image that kept popping in his head… one that his best friend would not approve of. It was a flash from one of his recent dreams-  _ Remus Priestly was grinning wildly at him, his rugged hands running through his dripping hair, sopping with sweat _ . _ Their eyes met, Remus laughed, loud and free and beautiful. Then suddenly there was almost no space between them- all the world faded away and there was nothing left but Remus in his sight- his suntanned skin marked with freckles and the stubble on his face and his hot, intense green eyes. They were leaning, leaning, a hair’s width apart--  _ And then Patton had woken up, confused, heart pounding in his chest, and a cold sweat sticking his shirt to his chest. There was no way he could like Remus. Sure, he was absolutely beautiful, Patton allowed himself that much honesty. He was hot. And funny. And clumsy. And shy. And maybe, Patton thought he’d caught him looking at him once, and he got so flustered and kept mumbling under his breath, and that was just unfairly adorable. But he was not falling for his best friend’s brother- no siree, bub. That was too important a line to cross. He could think a boy was cute without going all jelly-legs and mashed potato brain, thank you very much!

“... Pat, Patton… Pattycake?”

Patton shook his head at the noise. He came face to face with Roman, who was giving him a knowing look.

“Were you off in Wonderland again?” He asked. Patton, desperate to hide the flush from his rose-colored daydream, gave him a half-committed shrug.

“Sorry, Ro. I was  _ wondering _ when my silly little thoughts would  _ land _ . Sorry, my head’s all scattered again.”

“No worries. Care to share with the class? What, were you thinking about somebody special?” Roman guessed, flopping over next to him, busting in giggles when Patton tensed up. “Sorry, sorry, that’s kind of mean, but I couldn’t help it. You were staring off into space like a Disney princess, I’m shocked you weren’t singing…”

“Oh, knock it off! I’m not like you, I can’t just picture being with somebody, much less make it seem like so much fun. Love is a big deal to me, you know that. My parents fell in love in high school, and it’s a lot of pressure having that reputation. Besides, wouldn’t you rather talk about your boyfriends’ eyes for another ten minutes…” Patton ruffled Roman’s fluffy curls with a laugh, and soon enough the two of them were back to business as usual.

That lightness stayed with them as they moved to dance around the empty house, absolutely jamming to ABBA, sliding across the hardwood and singing at the top of their lungs. Patton was so busy having a good time, he forgot about his worrisome dream entirely… until the door opened and he slid right into its star.

“Uhhh,” came the creaky baritone of Remus’s voice. Patton quickly righted himself to look at Remus… and the frighteningly pretty friends he brought with him. One boy was grinning at him devilishly, his warm hazel eyes washing over the lanky Patton’s bright summer clothes, including his favorite skirt. The other seemed embarrassed for him, flashing him a tight smile before waddling through the doorframe. 

“H-hi,” Patton muttered meekly, a little ashamed of how silly he was being in front of these people. Roman was right, too, which he wasn’t happy about. He didn’t recognize these two much at all, which hurt his pride. He may not be sure why he was even on the student council, but he did pride himself in trying to be a good president. 

Luckily, if he was feeling awkward, Roman was even more so when he twirled into the room completely oblivious of their new company, in platform boots and his dance pants- tight black fabric complimenting a shirt he’d designed for the dance recital- a bright red, sequined top with roses embellished in it. He was still grooving to the music, only noting something was wrong when he didn’t hear Patton singing. Which then led to the best thing he’d seen all day, maybe even ever.

“Patton, I can’t jam without my backup sing-aHH. Ree, why is  _ this _ the one time you come home quietly?!” He was trying and failing to cover up and hide his blush as his eyes traveled from one of Remus’s friends to the other. Both of them were pink in the face, and one was bashfully hiding in his bangs, while the other seemed content to stare at his clothes with an eager grin. That one was the first to speak, as Remus was pulling his hair through his fingers in a tense manner that was eerily similar to the opening of that dream, which was rattling around his brain like a pinball.

“Wow, you look absolutely radiant, Roman,” he purred with a smooth chuckle, “did you design this gorgeous floral piece? I’ve never seen anything like it. Do you mind if I admire this lace detail… this is beautiful craftsmanship…” he added, slinking ever closer to Roman, who was just nodding his red face. Patton kept watching with a giggle, sitting down on the loveseat next to Remus, who wasn’t paying attention.

“Nice boots, Princey,” came the harsh whisper of the boy with the bangs, “careful, you know how many guys get weak at the knees for tall men… be still, my heart. Right, J?” He, too, got in closer, deftly brushing Roman’s arm with his own.

And that was enough to get Roman rushing out of the room and tearing into his room with a weak cry of ‘yeahokaythankyougoodtoseeyoubye!!!’ Patton took that as his sign to go, too. But not before touching Remus’s hand and whispering, “I think you might want to tell your friends to cool it, he’s gonna talk my ear off about this.”

And with that he ran in, his face flushed and his chipper little heart skipping beats.


	3. The Bastard Club, or Remus Priestly Hatches a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus, Virgil, and JD are back at the Priestly home... with many a flustered face between them. Remus is figuring things out and his best friends are along for the hilarious ride.
> 
> And who knows? Maybe this will turn out to be good for them, too.

The minute he had his idea in his brain, he grabbed his things and rode off on his bike quickly with barely a word to his friends. He needed to get home and start planning. Thankfully for him, his friends were not the sort to leave him alone when he was feeling manic. In fact, JD and Virgil knew the types of destruction he could cause if he didn’t have an outlet… so, they rightfully took off after him, tossing their things back in their bags and speeding off down the road through downtown and following the smooth path to their firecracker friend’s home, where he stood frozen in front of the door.

“Re…” JD huffed, “ Warn us next time you choose to act without thinking… *wheeze*... tell us where you’re going.” He leaned against the planter box for a moment, clutching his chest and trying to regain his breath.

Virgil, on the other side of his best friends, merely fixed Remus with a stern look that conveyed everything JD would have said, had he the air in his lungs.

Remus buckled a little, slouching with a sheepish expression. “Sorry, Tickle-me-Emo, Snakebites. I had a ‘eureka moment’ or whatever nerd crap my tutor was telling me about… I know how I’m gonna get Patton to notice me! Now… I just have to get us inside and into my room without seeing him.” His friends glared at him. He caught them not following his logic and hurried to cover his ass before they could tell he was covering it. “Okay, I know for certain if I even try to say hi to him now, I’ll spill the beans… I’ll throw the case of beans at his head… I could take one look at him and his pretty, sunny face, and I’d rip my heart out and hand it to him. Soooooo, to avoid that disaster, I need to get us inside and to my room with no incidents. Got it?” He grinned at them, glad JD had righted himself enough to point a tired scowl at him.

“You are such a coward. I love you, so I can tell you to your face, you are the most virginal, insecure little shit I have ever met. But, all that being said, I’m no better and neither is Virge, let’s get inside before I collapse out here.” JD peered over at Virgil, who acknowledged and agreed with him through a nod, nudging Remus’s arm towards the door handle.

Once he had it in his hand he had no problem opening it to hear loud Swedish synth-pop blaring throughout the house. He barely had time to shoot his friends a look before he felt a waist in his arms and the poke of wire-rimmed eyeglasses hitting his torso. With a heavy swallow, Remus glanced down to the absolutely heart-sickening sight below him. Patton, beautiful, dream-like Patton, dressed like a cottage core pixie and nestled in his arms. Time could’ve stopped for all Remus cared. He could have died right there, or drove out the next morning and drowned in the river, or fell into a sinkhole, or had a boulder crush him on his next hike and none of it would matter as long as he had this moment seared into his head, as he expected it would be with how tingly his nerves were. Those bouncy waves of sunflower blonde stood out gorgeously against the deep green of Remus’s favorite top, and he was so soft and warm in his embrace. He would have stared more than he already was, but the magic faded away and he was rocked back into time with all the grace of a jumpscare- Patton practically pushed himself out of Remus’s arms and up straight, his short frame glancing up at him with his big doe eyes that made him absolutely melt. He quietly croaked out a greeting, not that poor, idiotic, weak little Remus heard him. No no no, his brain was too busy melting down like a nuclear reactor. He barely took in the devilish looks his friends were burning into his back as the three of them made their way in. He hardly recognized the automatic motion of his body throwing itself in a chair, staring in a catatonic haze straight ahead of him. His mind was replaying that scene, sending goosebumps to prickle the places he recalled feeling his crush’s arms brush, muting out the rest of the world, and soon enough, he was envisioning them forever locked in that dime-store novel silhouette. 

Then Roman had to come waltzing in dressed like a homoerotic flamenco dancer and ruin his afternoon even more. He flung his head into his hands and pulled back into his curls in frustration.  _ Cool. Great. Amazing. Cool cool cool cool cool, you had a pretty boy in your grasp and you couldn’t even speak??!, _ whined his inner monologue-which sounded an awful lot like JD,  _ disaster gay. Look at your friends, they can flirt no problem… and you can’t even speak English. _

Roman tore off, and Remus really thought that would be the end of his terrible shame and humiliation… he was dead wrong, and not for the first time that day because suddenly he was back in the real world and Patton Amante was brushing his hand against his and whispering in his ear, small giggles hitting his ears in puffs of hot breath that jostled his baby hairs. Oh, he’d pay more to keep him there and hearing that sound in his ear than it had cost him to buy all of that dye he hid in Roman’s conditioner at random when he got bored… which was a lot of money considering how many bottles of conditioner he ruined, and how bored he often was, in the pranking process that his whiny brother hated.

Alas for poor, sappy, besotted, dipshit Remus, that beautiful sound disappeared with its host as he twirled away from him, past his friends and into the one room in the house he wasn’t allowed into. It was enough to make a jealous tear well in his eye as his adrenaline receptors caught up to what had just taken place right before his eyes. It was enough to make him groan pitifully into his contracting palms. Next thing he knew, his best pals were slouching against him. He could practically feel the disgusting fondness and warmth on their faces from where he was in a sloppy heap below them.

“Mmmmm,” JD drawled, clearly reviewing the sequence of events, more particularly the parts where Roman was flushing under his fingertips, “that was certainly worth the trip here, eh V?” Virgil replied with a dreamy sigh and a vigorous shake of his hair. “However fun that was, I think Ree needs our help. Right, loverboy?”

Remus almost gave himself whiplash with how quick he snapped his neck up to face them.

“Don’t tease me! You’re a guest in my home?!” he barked miserably. Yet as much as he absolutely hated to admit it, he would need their help if this wasn’t going to end in catastrophic failure or expulsion from school… or getting arrested… or an act of love-turned-arson… or another number of disasters.

With an unamused grumble, he dragged them both upstairs to the room that used to belong to both of the Priestly brothers… and looked much the same to how it was when they were much younger, with tacky, fading wallpaper of technicolor dinosaurs and castles painted by six-year-olds painstakingly cared for by a fucking desperate fool who wasn’t ready to grow up in slightest. The only real sign that a teenage boy lived in this room beyond the larger bed was the absolute detritus coating the floors- food wrappers and underwear, empty cans of energy drinks and scratch paper from failed assignments, socks and boots kicked around in random places separated from their mates, books stacked in small piles all over, darts sticking into the drywall of his closet door, which was thankfully shut or else no one would hear from them all again. The only reason his friends didn’t absolutely ream their trash mammal bestie for his absolutely putrid dwelling was that he needed them more than he was going to say. And while JD and Virgil may have privately thought that they had higher standards than this absolute garbage fest pooling around their feet, they would never say it while Remus was in the midst of a scheme working out inside his wicked brain. 

The signature clawing of Remus’s multiple pets was what got them all talking again. Remus grinned, “Hello babies!” he cooed as he approached their tanks and homes, pleased that at least they missed him.

“These little guys are hardly babies anymore, dude, hate to break it to you,” Virgil chuckled, wagging a finger at the eager pair of blue-spotted salamanders that were blinking up at him. 

Remus gasped as if Virgil had just told him he was converting to Mormonism and quitting his addiction to coffee and sugar that sustained him, grasping his neck as if a string of pearls were hanging prone there. “How fucking dare you insult my children! I’ll have you know, Kathleen and Kurt are perfectly spry and beautiful and well cared for, just like your best buddy Cornell,” Remus admonished with a disapproving tut, passing a large multicolored rat off to Virgil, who promptly perched it on his shoulder allowing the small creature to sniff at his freshly dyed hair. JD smiled joyously when he felt the old Priestly cat, Sinead, bristled against his legs, mewling to be lifted, which she promptly was, curling in and purring loudly in his arms.

“Ugh, my boys, my babies, and no bothersome brother to speak of,” Remus sighed happily, almost forgetting the whole reason he’d felt queasy not ten minutes sooner, “what more could a future felon need?”

“A boyfriend with taste or questionable judgment?” JD offered, gazing fondly as the grey bundle in his arms batted at the fringe attached to his jacket.

“Oof! You wound me with your words, Dee Dee… you’re not jealous, are you?” he giggled with a fiendish grin.

“Only in your twisted wet dreams, Priestly, I’d rather bury my dick in a cactus than stoop to the level of any of your exes… are we here to insult each other, because I was under the impression there was something brewing in that deviant bong of a brain you have!” he remarked with a wild smirk like something out of a cartoon. “ ‘sides, I am out of your league, absolutely ages out of it…”

“Oh, alright, no more dicking around. Men, as you are well aware by that absolute dumpster fire display of my cool down there, I am absolutely balls deep into Patton Amante… y’ know, emotionally…” Remus pouted with a frown.

“Yes, that much has been clear since we have caught you drooling over him at about a dozen pep rallies since the start of last year. What are you gonna do about it, and why did you decide to peel off while I was in the middle of my work?”

“OH, that!” He jumped up, giddy beyond belief. “I have a plan- he wants  _ Say Anything  _ or  _ Pretty in Pink _ , I’m gonna be that dreams’ dream… and I need your help, both of you… feel like making me over some time?” he pleaded at his designer darling, eyes blinking in question.

“Oh, it feels so good for you to ask me that, trash man. Yes, a thousand times, yes,” JD commented in deadpan. “I do hope your plan goes beyond me making you into a hot piece of ass for the marshmallow you’re in love with.”

“Hey!” Remus scoffed in mock offense. “I may be dumb, but I am not stupid. I have some more research to do in order to get the not-creepy details down, but I know for sure I’m gonna need you guys every step of the way… or else, well, you saw how totally hot and confident I was downstairs. He’s about to get the wooing of his life, and I don’t wanna screw that up, cuz no matter what my brother (platonically) has his pretty little manicured claws in him, and that shit lasts way longer than failed romantic gestures. Boys settle in for a long talk, cuz when we’re through, that boy is gonna be the most adored kid on campus… and hopefully my prom date!”


	4. Part Four- True or Patton Amante and The Case of the Blue Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Roman are holed up in Roman's room, and Patton has to find some way to fight off the insecurity and image issues plaguing his bestie! Even if he has to embarrass himself in the process...

Patton spun back into his best friend’s bedroom, soaking in the carefully shaped aesthetic of the artists dream space- from the multicolor walls plastered in playbills, posters, polaroids, and paintings to the warm glow of the myriad of fairy lights that hung up above them in bright ambient rainbows, practically painting the room in an other-worldly glow. There were, of course, elements of this ethereal feeling that Roman had put there precisely for that effect, but more so, it was the overall energy that seemed to radiate off of his best friend and bleed into any space he was in. Speaking of his best friend, Patton refocused on finding him… which he did, in an unusual space as ever.

Roman Priestly was curled up in fetal position underneath his sewing table, bright gold shoes peeking out from under swaths of iridescent fabric and huge sections of paper and trace covering the drafting table. Patton ducked his head under, gently checking to see if Roman felt like talking, or if he was trapped in the labyrinth inside his brain again. Roman was entirely red, a little shaky, and staring off into space. Not a very good sign, but he did manage to react to seeing Patton and scooched over just a little in his pity pile so Patton could crawl under and join him, gently petting his hair until his breathing evened out and the color that came back to his cheeks was the same as his skin tone, and he didn’t look as if he was on the brink of tears. Then, gently, Patton took a risk and spoke.

“So… you weren’t expecting that, huh?” he ventured in a soothing sing-song.

Roman furrowed his brow. “Don’t make fun of me right now, Pat. I feel bad enough already.”

“Wait, what? Why do you feel bad, those guys were loving on you like crazy?” Patton asked, watching Roman flip to sit up.

With a groan, Roman added, “Oh sure. They absolutely adore me so much they took one look at me like this and decided it would be a brilliant way to flirt by bullying me over my appearance… because they know that I  _ love  _ when people do that…” he trailed off, staring down sadly at the fruits of his labor, almost in disdain. “They just kept staring at me and my clothes… gosh, Janus’s eyes were stuck to me, and then, when they said those things, they  _ sounded  _ nice, but…”

Patton knew better than anyone that while Roman loved looking amazing and making wearable art for himself, he did it for himself, and he was very sensitive when it came to commentary on his body.

“Oh, Ro,” Patton gasped quietly, “they didn’t know. I’m sure they wouldn’t do that if they knew.” He grasped the sad artist’s arm until he was met with wobbly tawny-brown eyes.

“How?” he sobbed. “How do you know that? They have no problem seeing me all upset and stammering like a fool on any other normal day, why’s this kind any different?”

“Because they care enough to stop when they overstep.” Roman didn’t dignify that reply with words, just a blank stare that quickly showed what he thought of that excuse. Patton improvised, “No, no, no, I mean it. You told me they’re your brother’s best friends, right?”

A nod.

“Well, do they keep on picking about Remus’s hair and how he likes to leave that streak in? Or the way he doesn’t tie his shoes? Or, would they make fun of him for his down days when he can't even change out of his PJ's?”

Roman suddenly seemed to be on the defensive about these boys who were causing his issues to bubble up. 

“No! Of course not, what kind of a twin do you think I am?! If they ever did that to him, I’d never look at either of them ever again!” Roman may not have had all of his issues with his twin sorted out, but he loved his brother more than anyone else in creation, and anyone who made him feel freakish and ugly was easily taken care of- he had a zero-tolerance policy for shaming, and that extended to Remus, so any rumors around about Remus were squashed and their originators hunted down as soon as their identities reached his ears.

He had crushed on his brother’s friends before, but this was different, deeper, more than just a flash-in-the-pan, more than aesthetics and physicality… this could be the beginnings of love if he knew anything about it… but he’d still give it up in an instant for his twin.

All Patton had to do for the message to sink in was quirk an eyebrow at him and flash him a knowing look. Suddenly, Roman was back to his sheepish, boy-crazy self. Or at least, partway there. “Ohh,” he muttered incredulously under his breath. “Do you think… they actually liked it, then? Very few people outside of our theatre have ever seen this stuff before.”

“Ro, of course, they liked it!" Patton groaned affectionately. "They were pinker than a peony on a pig farm, both of ‘em! I bet they’d be really impressed by some of your other stuff… they deserve a taste of their own medicine, don’tcha think? Show ‘em some of the  _ really _ bold stuff?” He made cow eyes at him, and grinned at him with a sly kind of smile, wiggling his eyebrows in that funny way his dad said he won his papa with. 

Roman shyly turned his eyes up. “Really?” he murmured in a giggly sigh, perhaps this was a good sign, Patton considered, to get him thinking positive again, but boy he was just wrong all over today, wasn’t he? “You know, my stuff isn’t really any good, right? You're aware it’s just a hobby...” He glared back down at his shirt- he was once so proud of this shirt that he’d spun around for an hour in it. He’d grinned as he modeled for himself, feeling for all the world like a gorgeous parrot, or a gemstone, or a particularly pretty porcelain figurine. Now he looked down at it, and all of a sudden it itched too much, it was too snug on his shoulders, too much of his skin was showing. 

That wouldn’t do, not with Patton here.

“Roman Elias Priestly!” Patton chided. “You are an artist! I mean, look at this room, it’s covered in, like, actual proof of your genius. C’mon, for crying out loud, you’re designing my prom outfit-”

“-Outfits,” Roman corrected with a pointed huff, arms still folded tight over his broad chest like a toddler with no juice box.

“Outfits?” Questioned Patton in return.

“Yes, outfits, I’m preparing at least two in case you feel particularly fem or masc on the actual day of the dance, and probably another one in case we hate the other two,” Roman said as if that was the natural thing to do.

Of course, Patton was grateful, that much was obvious to anyone with eyes… but he was also going to use that information against Roman in the most wholesome way possible.

“Hmmm, now, I don’t know fashion very well, Roman, but I do know friendship, and you’re acting like a fantastic, amazing, wonderfully considerate best friend. How many friends would go through that for somebody? Not to mention what any designer would do.”

With a small smile, Roman conceded, “ I mean… I can do it.” Roman was still going by half measures, but Patton was quick to note that shyness and reaffirm him.

“Yes. Yes, you can.” he praised with a grin.

“Oh, you know what I mean, though, this is a temporary thrill for me, just like everything else. Besides, the beautiful Janus Dorian is the one with the plans for doing fashion. I’m just a kid screwing around with my drawings and old scraps.”

“So?? Your work is just as good, and you and I both know that. Why should the fact you don't want to make a career out of this mean your beautiful work matters any less? You like this shirt, don’t you?”

“...Yes,” he agreed, sounding a little unsure of where Patton was going.

“Then, it’s amazing. You don’t need to be a professional or live up to anybody else’s standards but your own. You like what you do, I do too,” he said, patting his friend’s shoulder softly, “And that is what matters. You don’t have to look like anyone other than the amazing, handsome, kind Roman we know and love… and there’s absolutely no wrong way to do that. It’s all for you to decide, and if these guys can’t handle that, then they are not who you think they are and they aren’t worth your time.” 

He felt proud of himself for asserting that point bravely, even when he didn’t really know either of Roman’s potential beaus well enough to judge them. Roman’s happiness was more important, dagnabit!

“Thanks, Patton,” came the soft croak out of his best friend, who looked distinctly happy, even with tears in his eyes.

“Anytime, kiddo.” 

He parroted his dad’s words- it wasn’t his fault he was a tiny father figure to his friends, cuz he had two great dads who absolutely loved him. One was the youngest high school principal in county history, and the other was the most recommended marriage and family therapist in the better part of the state. So, Patton was still doing pretty good if his dads’ advice was the advice he gave his friends. His father Emile had heard all about Remus and Roman and the entire messy situation about a day and a half after Patton had that dream. His Papa, however, knew nothing about it- and Patton wanted it that way, best not to involve him in something where other students were involved- a separation of home and school.

Roman didn’t bother him about it, even if he’d heard it from them in person. “So, moving on from me being all mopey, the subject of Prom came up, which brings us back to boy talk,” Roman eagerly cheered whilst wiping his smudgy mascara eyes free of the tears clinging to them, “so, one more reason for me to care about your love interests is that I want to start thinking about colors for your clothes, and if you end up with some Chad or something I do  not want to compromise on what looks good.”

Patton managed not to combust, stammering out a few colors he liked and that he’d let Roman know immediately of any changes should he get a date. Which Roman would not let go of.

“Oooh, so there is somebody and you haven’t told me!” he gasped in faux horror. “I will forgive you,” he began, poking playfully at Patton’s sides, “on the condition that I get to take guesses!”

Whatever mirth Patton had felt at seeing Roman happy again fled from his body faster than a jackrabbit in a desert full of vultures. He'd want to hear about a boy… and even though he had one in mind, he knew better than to tell… not yet, at least. He needed time to figure out if he really liked Remus, or if his hormones just wanted him to. He had no time to come up with an excuse, either…  _ Stall. Cry. Pick someone at random. Wait, that could work. Or, just don't be obvious around his brother!! _

He swallowed his pride down with a heavy gulp and replied, “Sure thing, Roman-tic! Three guesses… go for it?” he shuddered at how insecure and wobbly that sounded, but it was better than what was going on in his head.

“ Hmmm… this is interesting,” Roman said, clearly thrilled with himself. Pacing around Patton, trying to gain a magical sense of his attraction. “Clearly, it's not me… and that doesn't count as a guess! Is he in our class?”

Okay, that one was a safe question. “Um, no. Same grade, not in any of my classes at least…” Patton huffed out, a little bit stabler.

“Okay… Is he on the Student Council with you?”

“No.” Still telling the entire truth. Patton was itching under his skin, and fighting even harder to keep his cool. “Umm, are you going to guess? Cuz, you only get three and my dad wants me home early to get a head start on summer reading.”

Roman flung himself into deep concentration- complete with fake beard stroking!- determined to get some answers out of Patton before sending him home. To Patton’s credit, he’d never gone into explicit details about his type, and he never liked the same kinds of people. Roman had gathered from their various crush gushes that Patton liked all sorts, but a few old cliches are true for a reason, aren’t they?

“Hmmm, okay. Number one: Jon from the color guard? With the swoopy hair and the nice butt?”

Patton giggled before replying. “Roman, he was your crush two weeks ago, wouldn’t I have told you then?”

“Oh fiddlesticks! You’re right again, my cheeky compatriot. Number Two: Caleb from the swim team? He’s hot and taller than you?”

“Roman, lots of people are taller than me. And Caleb is with Natalie- y’ know, my VP? Not really going to be the best choice for my prom date. Last try, butterfly, then I’m out.” 

Patton’s nerves were buzzing again. He knew the odds of Roman guessing his brother would be low, but he resolutely decided he was not going to lie if his best friend asked anyway, steeling himself against Roman’s last guess.

Apparently he did this too well. Because when Roman turned and asked him if Logan Abernathy from the Debate team was hot enough to be considered dance-worthy, Patton hadn’t responded quickly enough for Roman to forget it.

And he didn’t. He stood there with a Chesire cat grin on his face and eyes wide as dinner plates, thinking he’d found the answer… and Patton hadn’t corrected him either.

“Oh, my heckity heck! Nerd love, I love it!” Roman cheered mirthfully, grooving once again, spinning in circles around a Patton still bracing for the ugly, friendship-ending truth bomb.

He caught up with the situation fairly quickly, and that brought his entire consciousness up to speed with all of the calm of a car crash in the snow.

Roman reluctantly let him leave, and as soon as he was alone in the safety of his mini, Patton let out a tension breaking scream against his hands.

“What am I gonna do?” he cried to himself, and soon enough drove home with a pit in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun!  
> Plot twist, bet you didn't think I was gonna drag poor Logan into this, huh?  
> How will Patton navigate this one?
> 
> My word, this getting SUPER tropey...  
> I hope you all had fun with this chapter, and there'll be even more shenanigans to come!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you had fun with part one of this fun little story.  
> This is gonna be a lighthearted, silly, fluffy feels fest.
> 
> ... Is this the one thing bringing me serotonin? Maybe... But now it can give YOU serotonin.  
> Let me know what you think, or if you need anything tagged- M


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